What if I told you that your marriage could improve if you simply imitated Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane from The Dukes of Hazzard? Wait, what?! No, I do not mean get out your gun and tell your spouse to e“Freeze!”
Most would agree that whether you are in a struggling marriage, or in a great marriage that is thriving, there is always room to grow. As a Christian relationship/marriage coach, my training provokes me to ask, “What is the one thing that could improve your marriage?”
While there are so many ways to answer this question, my suggestion is to start from the beginning. Not just the beginning of when you first met, but also the very beginning of time. This is where we find the model and design of how marriage is supposed to be. There is one key factor that many miss and if we were to get back to doing this, I believe you would see your marriage start to flourish, or for those who are already thriving, to take it to another level!
Are you ready to put a little effort in to improving your marriage? I hope so!
We need to examine one single verse in the Adam and Eve story… and the example of Sheriff Roscoe.
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24
“”Leaving” and “cleaving” is more than saying “I Do,” and then moving into the same home. It is much, much more than that.
Your spouse is to be more than your roommate. You are to be best friends, romantic partners, and one unit doing life together while protecting the sanctity of marriage. But how do we do that?
Here is a powerful practice that will help keep this bond strong, and that is by focusing on the word,
“cleave,” which is the term used in the King James Version. In the New International Version, the term used is, “united,” and in the New American Standard, it is “be joined.”
So, what does “cleave” mean, exactly?
The Hebrew word: Dabaq (daw-bak’)
Its meaning:
- Cling
- Keep close
- Fasten its grip
- Closely pursue
Let us read that verse again, but using the definition instead of the word.
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and closely pursues his wife, and they become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24
Notice it does not say to leave your parents and pursue your girlfriend. It says pursue your spouse! Yet,
most of us have this backwards, we stop pursuing, then cannot figure out why our marriage has grown stale!
When we dated, we would do anything and everything to be with our boyfriend/girlfriend. We sacrifice ourselves just to visit for a couple of hours. We lose sleep talking on the phone until 3:00 in the morning. We do things with them we would have no interest in doing if we were single. You know the routine. It is always “goo-goo, ga-ga!”
Then, we get married and BOOM! That all stops and complacency takes over.
Why? Because we stopped pursuing!
We prioritize our partener when we date, then we minimize our partner when we get married. It is not supposed to be this way! Our pursuit is supposed to increase after we say, “I do,” and not decrease! That is precisely what scripture tells us to do!
As Roscoe P. Coltrane used to shout in The Dukes of Hazzard, “I’m in hot pursuit! I love it, I love it!” That is exactly what we should be shouting in our marriage!
When Roscoe pursued the Duke boys, he would often find his car in a tree, miss a turn and end up in the lake, or he would get out-witted and lose where they were because he did not have the driving skills the Duke boys had.
One thing Roscoe always had going, though: he never stopped pursuing. Why? It was his life’s passion to catch those Dukes! And when he would finally catch them, the joy in his eyes of accomplishing what he sat out to do was evident, even if he did it by a fake speed trap.
But once he caught them, the problems for Roscoe continued because he stopped paying attention to those he was pursuing, took them for granted, was distracted, got a bit cocky, and his relaxation resulted in the Dukes escaping.
We need to put away the attitude of, “I got you now, so now I do not have to do all of that stuff.” Well, you are wrong. This is taking your spouse for granted and not honoring God’s intent for marriage.
Pursuing your spouse absolutely Pleases God and lines up with what the scripture tells us to do.
Even after becoming Christians, God still pursues us. Are we not to be imitators of God? How would you feel, as a Christian, if God stopped pursuing you? We would not like it at all, so why do we do the very thing we would not want God doing to us? Think about it; He uses the simile that He is the husband and we are His bride, so He is giving us the example of being the pursuer, and showing us how great it feels to be pursued. So, what about that spouse again?
Roscoe pursuing his target was his life’s passion, so we, as married couples, should make it our life-long passion to pursue our spouse, finding creative ways to let them know we are thinking of them and what they mean to us. You never know; that dimly lit spark may turn out to be a forest fire waiting to happen. All it needs is a little gasoline.
Think of when you dated your spouse. Think of the things you used to do for him or her and if you have stopped, I challenge you to do those things again. Get creative and find new ways to pursue, keeping it exciting and adventurous… AND MAKE THIS A HABIT!!! If you have not been doing this, then reverse the backward thinking!
APPLICATION VERSE:
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
It is time to “rejoice over your spouse,”: “quiet them with your love,” and “exalt over them” … just like when you dated!
John Helton, AKA “The Blind Fury,” is a Christian inspirational speaker, author of “Stop Your Whining: Legally Blind with 20/20 Vision,” organizer of the Marital Monkey Marriage and Relationship Ministry, founder of The Blood Wall Ministries, a national champion blind bowler, a blogger, podcaster, also a Certified Professional, Relationship, and Bereavement Coach.